Massachusetts couple carry the torch for love and equality

By: Yumi Araki yaraki@bu.edu

Amidst a crowd of colorful posters and young protestors chanting in syncopated unison, two silver-haired men stood boldly holding a hand-made sign that read, “53 Years Together!”

“We’re absolutely part of one another; this is my other half,” exclaimed Ralph Hodgdon, 74, as his hand rested on his partner, Paul McMahon’s, 76, shoulder, who interjected, “…and finish each others’ sentences.” Hodgdon and McMahon were honored as one of the most inspirational couples at the “Join the Impact” protest

on November 14 against the state of California’s vote to repeal Proposition 8, which legalized gay marriage in 2004.

“I was amazed that California, of all people [would vote against it], because they’re very liberal,” exclaimed McMahon who heard about California voters’ decision after the Presidential election.

When Hodgdon heard about the protest, he said that “nothing would stop us and we were so pleased that it was such a huge crowd.” Not a stranger to protests, Hodgdon said that McMahon had also been active during the Civil Rights Movement, during the time when they met in 1955. Despite living in an era hostile to minorities, Hodgdon and McMahon vowed to preserve the relationship that they had found.

“From the very beginning, Paul [had] said, ‘we must always talk it [their problems] over, work it out and love each other; hang in there, and don’t just give up,’” remembers Hodgdon.

Indeed, even after 53 years, Hodgdon and McMahon still possess the vivacious energy of newlyweds.

“I wasn’t interested in a one-night-stand or something; I was interested in finding someone to love and be with forever,” said Hodgdon as he remembered his first date with McMahon. “When I said no, he couldn’t believe it. Not anyone had ever said no to him. And by me doing that, he thought, ‘golly, I think I’m in love with his person.’”

A week after their first date, McMahon had rented an apartment in the East Side. As the excitement of having met each other began to settle, however, McMahon feared that his lifestyle might jeopardize the bond of their relationship.

“I was very much a party person; went out a lot,” said McMahon. “That’s not a good way to—”

“…get a relationship. To build a foundation,” Hodgdon finished.

To escape temptation, the two left New York and traveled to Maine where they found jobs as stand-ins in Henry King’s 1956 production of “Carousel”. However, as their movie debuts put a strain on their finances, the couple moved to Boston in 1960 to find better opportunities. Hodgdon and McMahon, however, found Boston less accommodating than they hoped.

“I remember around Halloween, we went to a gay bar and coming out, Paul said ‘run,’” said Hodgdon as his eyes flickered. “There was a gang behind us, and they attacked him and punched him.” When Hodgdon yelled for help, the police met Hodgdon with much of the same contempt as the gang that had been beating McMahon mercilessly.

“They did nothing. I went home and I was so sick. I realized at that time that if you were gay, the police were…not on our side.”

Hodgdon also recalled the terror he felt when he and McMahon were harassed by neighbors in South Boston where they lived during the 1980s.

“They would go by in gangs, and throw rocks at the windows. They would call us horrible names.”

“Some of those little darlings started showing up at the gay bars at night,” said McMahon as he explained that some of the people harassing Hodgdon and McMahon were themselves gay. McMahon recalled a similar instance where he was beaten badly by another gay man.

“[It] turns out that he was fighting his own leanings towards homosexuality,” McMahon said.

“It was a shock to me,” exclaimed Hodgdon. “It didn’t make any sense to me that they could be so violent and so terrible; so vicious.”

According to the California Secretary of State’s voter information guide, reasons against gay marriage predominantly stem from the notion that homosexual marriages alter the traditional definition of marriage and family. Arguments in favor of Proposition 8 also underscore the fact that the proposition is about “preserving marriage; not an attack on the gay lifestyle.” Bob Whetstone, an advocate for an evangelical organization who was at the Proposition 8 protest, emphasized that marriage is interpreted as solely a heterosexual act, according to the Bible.

John Russo, a representative of Mass Resistance, a pro-family action center for Massachusetts, contested that the homosexual family structure disrupts what he believes is the ideal family situation where “children should be brought up with a man and a woman.” Russo also argued that increased prevalence of homosexual family structures would force public schools to change their health education curricula.

“Public schools [now] teach sexual education between a man and a woman. They now [would] have to teach anal sex education.”

Still, Hodgdon and McMahon continue to resist such contenders of the homosexual lifestyle. McMahon and Hodgdon argue that same-sex marriage solidifies not only the bond between partners, but also the vision of equality for all.

“It’s one more victory; one more domino down. Inevitably, I think it’s got to all change,” asserted McMahon.

In their 48^th year of being together, the law finally worked in Hodgdon and McMahons’ favor when Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in November 2003.

“This is the night we got our license,” said McMahon as he pointed affectionately towards a picture on the back of their poster board of the two embracing shoulders. “We were watching television on the news and we saw that in Cambridge, at midnight, they were going to start issuing marriage licenses. We had not even discussed getting married at that point.”

“It was like love was sent there that night; a special kind of love, just for us,” added Hodgdon.

McMahon and Hodgdon were among the last couples who had managed to obtain a marriage license after the 250-people cutoff that night. The following June, the two were married at the Boston Public Garden.

“Getting married was just a euphoric experience; something that I never thought, never even fantasized about,” recalled Hodgdon. “People have said to us, ‘why didn’t you wait until 50 years?’ And I said, ‘c’mon now, who waits 50 years to get married?’ Plus, we thought, ‘what if something happens?’”

Indeed, 61% of Californians proved on November 4 that Proposition 22, which legalized gay marriage in California in 2000, would dissolve thousands of bisexual marriages.

“I had met…an older couple that was married twice there; once in San Francisco and had it annulled. I felt so sorry for them because they were around Paul’s and my age [now],” said Hodgdon.

Hodgdon agreed and remained hopeful that like the civil rights and women’s liberation movements, the stigma behind gay marriages will diminish with time. “I think in years to come, they’ll look back and say, ‘what was all the fuss about?’ [Marriage] is a bond and a foundation that is absolutely phenomenal. [It] will keep the gay people together longer, I think.”

While both admit that their relationship isn’t perfect, Hodgdon and McMahon share the hope that they can provide inspiration to other gay and straight couples.

“I must admit, that our relationship together, like everybody else’s relationship has its ups and downs,” Hodgdon said.

“It isn’t easy,” said McMahon. “We enjoy each other’s company. Every so often, we need a breather, but that’s human nature.”

“Despite highs and lows, we hung in there. And I’m telling you, it’s been absolutely phenomenal together. We can have such a good time.”

“Despite highs and lows, we hung in there. And I’m telling you, it’s been absolutely phenomenal together. We can have such a good time.”

Photo credits:

(First) BOSTON – Ralph Hodgdon (left) and Paul McMahon (right) stood boldly amongst a crowd at Saturday’s anti-Proposition 8 protest. (Photo courtesy of Marlena Flannery)

(Second) BOSTON – Paul McMahon describes that he decided to leave New York to preserve his relationship with Ralph. (Photo courtesy of Marlena Flannery)

(Third) BOSTON – Paul peeks at the poster board as Ralph points to a picture of the couple wearing “hippie attire” during the 1970s. (Photo courtesy of Marlena Flannery)

(Fourth) BOSTON – Ralph and Paul advocate for the repeal of Proposition 8 through their continued presence as an inspiration to many gay couples.